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Featured on SistersTalk Radio
Oct
31
Genia: In my opinion, if you’re participating in online sexual activity (even though you have a partner), something must be missing in your relationship. So yes, I believe you should tell your partner. This opens the lines of communication and provides a great opportunity for you and your partner to address what’s missing and maybe even explore some new sexual fantasies.
Andrea: I don’t think it’s something you have to reveal to your partner unless it’s something you do together as a couple. I think a lot of people watch porn online and visit sex sites without telling their partner. I watch porn occasionally and kept that to myself but if I had some ongoing online sex partner I would tell my partner.
Update: See what Genia’s Facebook friends had to say about this. [Facebook comments on this topic]
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6 Responses to “If You Participated In Online Sexual Activity, Should You Tell Your Partner?”
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I’m a male, so it’s different. I do watch porn, and I have met people in chat rooms. I don’t meet them personally, and I’m not on a cam myself. I don’t mind watching and talking to others. My spouse is in a somewhat public line of work and has asked that I not embarrass him.
At this point, I’ve given up the chat rooms, but not necessarily porn.
Chat rooms still exist?
I have a mixed opinion on this. I have seen plenty of folks get emotionally involved with online “playmates” where they end up developing a relationship with that person (ie something beyond cyber type activities). It’s easy for folks to discuss their feelings/wants/needs when behind a monitor versus in person. So if you are doing this, it is best to have the lines of communication open with your partner and definitely have established boundaries. Unfortunately I have seen too many real time relationships break up due to online relationships.
And yup – chat rooms are still around!
@Robin: Agreed. It’s easier to open up to a stranger from behind a monitor.
I know of situations where people made their online sex playmate a very important part of their lives, so important that they broke up with their real-life partner so they could run off with their online mate!
I still believe that if my partner is having online sex and she’s not telling me, then there’s a major problem with our communication.
I disagree that something is necessarily missing. Online stuff, cybersex, and so on has a very different appeal than physical sex.
There is nothing missing from my sex life. It is very active and adventurous and the communication is great. We sometimes include cybersex with each other as part of our sex! We go to a community chat, or do it privately. It is a way to roleplay things which are not possible in real life, it is a way to be an exhibitionist in a very safe environment, it’s a way to watch other couples as well. It’s also a great way to be intimate with each other while one of us is traveling (in addition to text-message sex and phone sex, heh). We generally combine our cybersex with masturbation. Masturbation, within a relationship, is a perfectly valid form of sex, including shared masturbation with one’s partner.
Partner cybersex with OTHER people is not allowed in our relationship agreements, but our relationship agreements are always up for negotiation. However, there are things that we do allow, such as going into those chats alone, watching other people and so on.
We are VERY open about it, and I think that NOT being open about it would constitute cheating. This should be something discussed within the relationship; whether it is okay from the outset or not.
Relationships are all about communication.
Tserisa: I would agree that you need strong communication and set relationship agreements that both partners can agree with. Without discussion and keeping things in the open, it’s possible that each person in the relationship might be on a different page of what is acceptable and what isn’t.